Why They Call Her the "Iron Woman"? Femicide In Turkey.

The story of Mutlu & Dilek Kaya, and millions of others, through the lens of a PSB counselor in the US.

A few evenings ago I came across the story of Mutlu Kaya, a famous singer from the southern parts of Türkiye who was shot in the head by her ex-boyfriend. Mutlu narrowly survived and is now fighting for justice and women's rights with a bullet still lodged in her head.

I decided to reach out after I dried my tears – the DW documentary resonated deeply with my past experience and my current journey of healing and transformation.

Mutlu's Story:

Mutlu (Turkish, meaning "happy"), reached her fame at 19 on Turkey's Got Talent. Not long after, she was shot in the head by her jealous boyfriend. The attack left her in intensive care for two months.

To make matters worse, Mutlu's beloved sister, Dilek, who provided unconditional support throughout Mutlu's life was tragically murdered a few years later by someone who claimed to be her sister's "boyfriend"...

Despite permanent disability from the attempt on her life (Mutlu now uses a wheelchair and cannot use her hands) and the emotional pain she probably endures, she has demonstrated remarkable resilience and has become a beacon of hope for many—fighting for justice with her music and influence. (She has a combined social media following of around 2 million at the time of this writing.)

Besides being deeply touched by her story, one thing that stood out to me was the dynamics between Mutlu and her ex-boyfriend when they first met.

The age difference is striking and concerning—at 14, she was a child, and he was an adult in his 20s—a major power imbalance screaming manipulation and control.

Due to my professional work, I cannot help but view domestic violence incidents through the lens of PSB (Problematic Sexual Behavior). There are obvious cultural gaps between the US and Türkiye (I have lived in and traveled through Türkiye), but the dynamics of power and control transcend all borders. The intersection of patriarchy and self-serving exploitation is driven by a desire for dominance and control (dark triad traits).

I work with adolescents (in a residential setting) whose tactics of manipulation and deflection have gotten them in trouble with the law (in the US). The vast majority of our residential clients are court-ordered. That means they have been caught and are being handled through our justice system. We take sexual crimes very seriously in the US because violence (physical, emotional, mental) or any form of boundary issue is the manifestation of a pervasive predatory mindset.

Mutlu's ex-boyfriend’s actions weren’t just an isolated act of violence. According to We Will Stop Femicide, hundreds of Turkish women die annually from partner or family violence, with many cases unreported.

Breaking the Cycle

In our residential treatment program, we witness how these behaviors can be transformed through consistent:

• Containment strategies (ie. not being able to mingle in the community until they are successfully treated)
• Accountability frameworks
• Psychological intervention
• Understanding of consequences

Mutlu's story highlights what could happen without these interventions in place.

The path forward requires both healing for survivors, and intervention and treatment for perpetrators.

Change is of course possible—but only with a strong culture of support, accountability, and commitment to transformation.

Mutlu was unable to reply to my message.

Mutlu's documentary - "My Name Is Happy" is no longer available on DW's YouTube channel but you can still get a glimpse through this trailer: https://youtu.be/f8NX4XlFhkA?si=h2zTuzodCxOPT5Dk

Her full documentary is about an hour long and is still available on other platforms.

Author's personal note:

I myself have endured countless street harassment and a physical attack during the years I was living in Istanbul, Türkiye from 2010 to 2013. I have also witnessed how some of my female friends were treated. This is my tiny contribution to breaking the silence and calling for change through awareness and a professional viewpoint. By sharing Mutlu's story through my lens as a PSB counselor, I hope to illuminate how unchecked problematic behaviors can escalate into life-altering violence.

Sessiz kalma.

Please stay strong.

DeryaSefer